TO MY LOVELY PERSON THAT I ADMIRED

I don’t know if you realize how much I feel.

Sometimes I wonder… do you know what my heart has been carrying all this time?
Maybe you know. Maybe you don’t. I’m not sure.

I’m not writing this to blame you.
I just want to be honest for once, without hiding behind silence.

There are moments when I feel like I put you in the first place in my life.
And in those same moments, I quietly question… am I ever in yours?

I keep telling myself to be patient.
I keep understanding your space, your responsibilities, your way of living.
I try not to demand, not to push, not to make things heavy.

But sometimes it hurts.

Not because you did something wrong.
But because I can feel how deep my feelings have grown, while I don’t always feel the same effort coming back.

And that realization is painful.

I know you once fought hard for something you believed in.
I know you are capable of loving deeply.
That’s why a part of me wonders… if the feeling is there for me too, wouldn’t there be something more? Even just a little sign, a little effort, a little reaching.

I’m not asking for promises.
I’m not asking for control.
I’m not asking you to change your life.

I just want to feel that I matter, not only in quiet moments, but in real ways.

I’m sorry if this sounds emotional.
I’m not trying to hurt you.
I’m actually trying to protect myself.

Because I’ve started to realize… I can’t keep standing in a place where I feel like an option, while in my heart you’ve been my first place for so long.

And that truth is heavy.

I don’t hate you.
I don’t regret you.
I don’t even blame you.

I just don’t want to lose myself anymore while loving someone.

If you truly feel something, I believe it will show in your own way.
And if you don’t… I will learn to accept that too.

I’m just being honest about what my heart has been holding quietly.

That’s all.