A Love Letter From A Healed Anxious Woman To The Avoidant Man Who "Destroyed" Her

A Love Letter From A Healed Anxious Woman To The Avoidant Man Who "Destroyed" Her..."

You didn’t destroy me. I did that myself. You just helped me see how broken I already was.

I blamed you for the anxiety, the overthinking, the spiral.

But the truth is you were just the mirror.

You pulled away. So I clung tighter.

You needed space. So I made myself smaller.

You shut down. So I got louder.

You needed freedom. So I gave up my boundaries just to keep you.

I thought if I could just love you harder, you’d finally stay. But love isn’t meant to be forced. And your avoidance wasn’t mine to fix.

I see it clearly now. You weren’t emotionally available but I wasn’t emotionally safe. You ran from intimacy and I ran from myself. You feared being engulfed and I feared being abandoned. We were both scared, just in different directions.

It took me a long time to admit this that you weren’t the reason I lost myself. I abandoned me every time I made your silence mean I wasn’t enough. Every time I begged for your attention instead of listening to what my body was trying to tell me. Every time I made your inconsistency my personal failure.

But I’m not her anymore. The anxious girl trying to earn her place in a man’s life.

I’ve done the work. I’ve sat in the grief. Felt the ache. Learned to stop performing for love and finally offer it inward. I no longer chase what hurts. I no longer stay where I’m not met.

You didn’t destroy me.

You cracked me open.

And from the pieces, I rebuilt something sacred.

A woman.

Whole.

Worthy.

Unshakeable.

Anxious no more.

Rooted in self.

And finally safe, not because of a man but because of me.

And I hope you’re healing too.

Much love

An integrated woman

-- Blake Goldsmith